Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Origami Sivagami

Dear schools 2 year olds go to, what certified sorcery do you really have in mind when you send messages like “Please send a handmade 3D Origami shape with your child for activity tomorrow.” to unsuspecting parents. Did you realize that some of us might be sending our blood and flesh there just to avoid more work? I would like to address this set of unrealistic expectations, please. One, it has to be 3D, meaning you will not accept if I send a square. Two, it has to be Origami, wherein you assume I can fold paper artfully. Three, it has to be a shape, in case you thought I were going to get away with sending a boat or a flower or something. And the final nail in the coffin. HANDMADE.
Thanks to you, I am now the Messiah of Keyword Youtubing. Yes, that’s a thing. Allow me to explain. I spent the hour from roughly about 11pm, yes PM, to roughly midnight searching for tutorials on Youtube with emphasis being on words such as “basic”, “easiest”, “simple”. You get the drift. ALL THIS after a day that was packed with meetings and general running around looking all busy.
Ok, I am losing focus now. Back to SivagamiOrigami. So 3D shapes. I decided on cube. I looked up some 4 minute odd videos and decided it was too basic for the child of an engineer to carry to school. We can be very vain like that. I put on my search cap and hunted for something more sophisticated than a cube and more befitting of my crafting capabilities. A few dodecahedrons and rhombuses later,  I realized this kind of stuff might need me to be high on steroids to be seen through. Reject. Plus, I told my pride that my 2 year old could certainly not pronounce these words at this tender age. Yes, this is the explanation the world would hear of. Based on above mentioned acquired Keyword Youtubing skills, I came to a conclusion that pyramids were not my thing. So weren’t fancy looking stars. It was past midnight now and the only thing main aur meri tanhaayi had done so far was Google. Things were not looking good. I swallowed my pride. She will take a cube to school and a cube it will be in all righteousness. A mildly bruised ego soothed itself by saying we would totally kill the next project, oh you just wait and watch.
So these really amazing people who have taken Herculean efforts to put a tutorial out there, one question. Y U NO SPEAK, BRO? I am all for pausing your mute video a gazillion times and rewinding on my sad third world Internet plan, but surely you understand that that one tiny fold I missed on your video ended up making my supposed-to-be-cube look like NASA’s pathfinder.

But a wise person once said, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I picked myself up and decided that I would make this cube, come hell or high water. What it finally looked like was THIS. Sort of like with intestines inside out. Clearly, my daughter is not going to understand cubes for a long long time to come, if this is what she is going to be shown.

So long story short, dear schools 2 year olds go to, I am filing a suit on grounds of cerebral laceration towards unwarned parental units that are being subject to this agony on weekday nights.

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